


Worth It

by every1isgay



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Arguing, Feelings, Feels, Fights, Gay, Happy Ending, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Modern Era, Moving In Together, One Shot, Relationship(s), Romance, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22520413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/every1isgay/pseuds/every1isgay
Summary: Merlin knows Arthur well enough to pick up on what he isn't actually saying: he wants Merlin to want his input. He wants for them to be partners. And he wants Merlin to listen to him and make decisions with him. As equals. Merlin understands, he really does.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 153





	Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> written by Emery

There are very few times Merlin wishes he and Arthur had never met. Very few. But when they get into heated arguments like this where both of them are angry and red in the face, Merlin desperately wishes that love didn't hurt so much.

Two years together and he still doubts Arthur's devotion to him sometimes. The posh, arrogant, daddy's boy was never supposed to fall for the lowly, sassy, broke artist. The story isn't supposed to go that way. Merlin had never believed that love would find him, and least of all in someone like Arthur Pendragon.

Now they are dating, but they are both stubborn and passionate people, which often leads to arguments that seem bigger than any other argument Merlin has been a part of with previous partners. It is when these types of conflicts come about, that Merlin doubts he and Arthur are meant to be.

"You can't just expect people to buy your work off the street, Merlin. You need to do more art shows, more  _ networking _ . I could help-"

"This isn't your career, Arthur! You don't get a say in what I do."

Arthur huffs, crossing his arms.

They are standing in Arthur's bedroom, telly frozen on a shot of Robert Downey Jr. getting into his Ironman suit. It's late enough that Merlin should consider going home or getting in Arthur's bed (he has an early shift tomorrow at the cafe and he'd like to sleep soon), yet neither of those options are viable at the moment. There is no way he can rest with this tension unresolved.

Then Arthur turns his back to Merlin, making his way to his closest. He pulls out his robe and starts to undress. “Okay, fine. I give up. I was only trying to help, but clearly you don't want it."

Merlin rolls his eyes. "I don't want you  _ telling  _ me what to do. Suggest away, help me when I ask for it, but don't boss me around like I'm your subordinate."

Arthur in all his tanned and naked glory, even in the midst of a fight, looks gorgeous. "You  _ know _ that's not how I mean it, Merlin."

Merlin shrugs, frustrated that they are coming back to this sensitive subject again. "Your intentions don't really matter, Arthur. Not when you continue to hurt me."

Arthur practically growls in indignation. "But don't I get a say in what I believe and mean!?"

"Yes, but you also need to be aware of how you impact others, Arthur. It's like I always tell you when you tease and make fun of people: you may be joking, but others can't read your mind, and if you hurt their feelings, you have to take responsibility."

Arthur scowls. "And how did I hurt your feelings, Merlin?" he asks as if it pains him to speak those words. Backing down in a fight has never been easy for a Pendragon.

Merlin sits on the bed, not looking at his boyfriend. "I feel like you don't think I can make it as an artist," he whispers.

There are a few seconds of silence in the room when Merlin almost thinks Arthur has left, but then he hears a small, uncomfortable cough and it hurts a little because he knows Arthur is working hard to reel in his anger.

Then, the bed dips on the other side and Arthur crawls over to where Merlin is sitting. "Hey," he breathes quietly. "You know I support you and your art, right?"

Merlin nods, hot tears stinging his eyes. An arm wraps around Merlin's belly, pulling him into a tight embrace from behind. He's glad of this, because he doesn't want Arthur to see his face right now.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Merlin," Arthur says. It's enough for Merlin's anger to slip away marginally, but he still has too many emotions swirling around inside him.

Then Arthur does something Merlin really doesn't expect. "You… well, you hurt… erm, my feelings too?"

Merlin lets out a sort of surprised snort as he turns in Arthur's arms. "Sorry, but was that a question?" he asks with a smirk.

Arthur looks at him with a meaningful smile, cupping Merlin's cheeks in his large hands. He uses his thumbs to wipe Merlin's eyes gently, then gives him a soft kiss on the forehead. "You know I'm bad at this, but I'm trying, okay?"

Merlin nods, eyes falling closed.

Arthur continues. "It's just… I want to be a part of your decisions. I want to help. I don't want so many… barriers between us."

Merlin knows Arthur well enough to pick up on what he isn't actually saying: he wants Merlin to  _ want  _ his input. He wants for them to be partners. And he wants Merlin to listen to him and make decisions  _ with _ him. As equals. Merlin understands, he really does. He looks up into Arthur's earnest blue eyes that seem so vulnerable and scared in this moment. "Oh, babe," he breathes.

Arthur groans, hiding his face in his hands.

Merlin is left with significantly less contact with his boyfriend, and that just won't do. So Merlin takes Arthur's hands, pulls them away from his now beet-red face, and settles them on his own hips. "You want us to make big decisions together?"

Arthur makes a face, and reluctantly nods.

Merlin grins. "Because you love me and want to work towards building a life together?"

Arthur scowls and he looks almost angry, but he is nodding again. It's quite adorable.

Merlin bites his lip, putting a finger under his boyfriend's chin. "Say it," he dares.

Arthur looks at him, hopelessly lost.

Merlin waits.

Arthur sighs. "Why? You know… come on!"

Merlin shrugs. "I can't read your mind, Arthur." He's teasing, of course, but he does need to hear it. He doesn't like guessing what Arthur is thinking; he needs to be sure that they really are on the same page.

"Move in with me." It's not a question - Arthur says it like an order - but there is a flicker of hesitation in his features and it almost breaks Merlin's heart.

"Oh. I wasn't expecting that." Arthur looks less sure of himself as he starts to respond, but Merlin cuts him off with a kiss. "Yes! I'll move in with you, you silly, silly man. I love you. Of  _ course _ I want to be with you always." 

Arthur blushes, looking away. But there is a soft remnant of a smile on his lips.

"And I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't care about your opinion. I do. I care about you. A lot."

Arthur glances up at Merlin momentarily, then closes his eyes because feelings and talks like this still make him incredibly uncomfortable. But he makes great efforts for Merlin, because he really does care. "I love you too," he admits.

And though it may sound like he doesn't, Merlin knows he does.

He can meet Arthur somewhere in the middle. Merlin will get better at reading Arthur, and trusting that he cares deeply for him, and Arthur will work on saying what he is really feeling. Along the way, they will grow together and learn how to work  _ with _ each other. It will be a challenge. But Merlin reminds himself that it's worth it so long as they're together.

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this after a fight I had with my sister, and having a long talk with my therapist about intent v. impact. I felt compelled to write something to process my feelings, and this is what happened. I hope it turned out okay.


End file.
